I think I have never been so ready for the end of a school year. Stupid school.
Summer is going to be wonderful.
Just hanging out and chilling and hopefully doing stupid, teenage things with my friends. Last real high school summer, so we must make the best of it! :D I am excited.

"Sometimes you know things have to change, are going to change, but you can only feel it - like in that song of Sam Cooke's, "Change Is Gonna Come" -but you don't know it in a purposeful way. Little things foreshadow what's coming, but you may not recognize them. But then something immediate happens and you're in another world, you jump into the unknown, have an instinctive understanding of it - you're set free. You don't need to ask questions and you already know the score. It seems like when that happens, it happens fast, like magic, but it's really not like that. It isn't like some dull boom goes off and the moment has arrived - your eyes don't spring open and suddenly you're very quick and sure about something. It's more deliberate. It's more like you've been working in the light of day and then you see one day that it's getting dark early, that it doesn't matter where you are - it won't do any good. It's a reflective thing. Somebody holds the mirror up, unlocks the door - something jerks it open and you're shoved in and your head has to go into a different place. Sometimes it takes a certain somebody to make you realize it."

I'm sorry.

...Where is everyone?

Rough night.
I'm done with it all right now. For awhile. Yes, probably including summer.
No matter how fun it may be for me, it would be completely selfish of me to continue.
Anything that hurts or worries someone I love and care about isn't worth it at this point.
Maybe later down the road, but it's just not the time and place anymore.
And to be honest, it wasn't even great anymore. I was getting tired of it, as it was.
When she took something away from me, I was almost releaved, because it had been sitting for days unused and I was eventually going to get rid of it anyways.

I'm honestly just ready to be done with all of this high school shit. I feel like I'm ready to move on. I don't regret anything, I'm sure I'll make some of the same choices in the future, because I don't necessarily think they are all bad choices. I'm just ready to move on, get away from the static state my life has been in for awhile now. I think that's one of the reasons, now that I think about it, that it's no longer so great. I enjoy changes in my life, in the begining it was something new and exciting. Now it has become predictable and sometimes even boring. I'm not doing this because I think it's bad. I'm not doing this because I feel better than it. I'm doing it because it's what I feel like I need to do with my life right now. I'm not going to stop hanging out with people who are doing it, I'm just not going to take part in it anymore. And I'm happy with that.

Bob Dylan quotes/lyrics I like :

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is."
"What's money? A man is success if he gets up in the morning, goes to bed at night, and in between does what he wants to do."
"Some people feel the rain, others just get wet."

Reading Chronicles makes me really wish I had some sort of musical talent. Bob Dylan's young adult life is like a dream to me. Traveling, no real home, just playing in small cafes and slowly working up. Being able to move people with your words, your stories, your music. I want that. I want to read a story in the newspaper, or have something happen to me in my own life, that I can just write a song about. And then add instrumentals to it. Fuck, I want that. It's one of those things I've always wanted, just kind of pushed back in my mind. And now reading this is just exposing it to my everyday thoughts.